After the second round, I realized my intent had been vague so I refined it. (Do read Carlos Castaneda’s concept of INTENT, it is a fabulous concept…and totally applicable here.) I was titter-totting between surrendering and holding on to an intent, which is having a direction and therefore, control.
Strange. I had to learn to surrender to find out ANYTHING is possible. Be willing to lose control in order to gain it. I was showed this: I can do anything. I lost my form (another Castaneda concept…”Losing the Human Form”) and my body was no longer and I could be anything, a stream of lava, an animal, a rock or this human, all was equally distant, possible, attainable and foreign. I refined my intent to “how can I go on the healing path/ how can I possibly go on” and the gears of INTENT churned and took me to a seemingly endless sea of pain and suffering. The victims of the Boston massacre came to my awareness in all their loneliness and pain, dangling arms and limbs. And then my family’s pain, my friends’ my brother’s. I resolved not to flinch away from it, not to be afraid, but to totally let go into whatever it was that was presenting. I wanted to be a healer? The healing need was being displayed for my benefit. I was pure sensation, all vibration, no body. It felt as if diving into a sea of darkness, where the light of God is absent, where the greatest pain is that of abandonment. I resolved to let myself be taken there; to not be afraid. And while in the midst of that darkness I asked ‘how can this be healed…where is ‘The One’?’ It took a while to emerge and from the darkest depths I came into cathedral heights. It was as if I became a presence in a cathedral of light bigger and grander than any on Earth. ((I just came from Europe where I saw many of the cathedrals in Dublin, Barcelona and Paris- so the impression was fresh). I figuratively went on my knees in awe before the throne of God. The uppermost depths and reaches of the light were unthinkable. So in essence this experience was the same as last. Last time I went to depths of sorrow and this time into depths of pain and abandonment, and both times it contrasted that with a grander and infinitely vaster light. Sometime during this event I felt a definite presence that did not feel human at all, but very precise, and then felt fast surges of laser beams of light directed at my chest and doing some work there, some fixing. Appropriately Sher came around and did the ‘cascada’ thing (rainbow waterfall) and sprinkled water and Agua de Florida and these things she did were a balm for my heart and fit seamlessly with whatever else was going on inside of me. It was as she said of her experience in the forest, that the wind and the insects were responding. It was as if whatever I thought was magically reflected in my surroundings or it was my surroundings. All was one.
With love and appreciation,